there are only like... 7 people that even read this journal. but it's really the only place i write words. i don't write anywhere else, altho i do post art at a lot of places. i need to get this thing working on my homepage again, just so people can know what's going on.
but then again, i need to start writing more. i want to start actually journaling again. i always start, and do it for like 2 days, and then stop for months. i just can't make it a habit. but i really really want to. i want to journal more. i want to draw more. everytime i see posts by aysha, and mal, and curtis, and rey. everytime i go to gingerbox, and hang out with all the hip young hyper kids. everytime i go to work and genuinely enjoy my job, only to have someone say to me at the end of the day "man, what are you doing here" after seeing my stuff. i'm the freakin piano man. people say that to me all the time, and i have no good excuse. but i want to draw more. i want to post more. i want to code more.
i want to do more. i started writing something. i only did a couple paragraphs, but it was fun to freeform the beginning of a story. i don't think i'll ever finish it... or even look at it again... but it was fun. different. i need different. i need fun.
i applied for a credit card at my bank today. i really hope i get it. i have absolutely no credit as far as i know. but i'd like to start building a good credit score. i get the feeling that soon this precious little existence i've had for the past year won't be enough. i need a car. it's not that i have places to go. but it'd be nice to not have to ask people for a ride. it'd be nice to just drive out to san diego for a weekend and visit my friends out there. ... or who knows... even show up for sdcc. it would be nice to not have an excuse anymore. "i can't do that, i don't have a car" hell, it'd be nice to have a driver's license for the first time in 7 years. it'd be nice to be able to travel. i've never traveled. i've never even seen the coasts. i've never done so many things because i always had an excuse why i couldn't. and now i really don't. my only excuse left is my own inability to get up and go out. my only excuse left is me. and i really don't want that anymore. i wanted a better body, and i took it. i wanted a better life, and i found a new one. i need to do that again. it's upgrade time in game world. i feel like i'm back playing majormud again. time to find a trainer and trade in some experience points.
... god i'm such a nerd....