hamilton.likes.to.draw...

there are only like... 7 people that even read this journal. but it's really the only place i write words. i don't write anywhere else, altho i do post art at a lot of places. i need to get this thing working on my homepage again, just so people can know what's going on.

but then again, i need to start writing more. i want to start actually journaling again. i always start, and do it for like 2 days, and then stop for months. i just can't make it a habit. but i really really want to. i want to journal more. i want to draw more. everytime i see posts by aysha, and mal, and curtis, and rey. everytime i go to gingerbox, and hang out with all the hip young hyper kids. everytime i go to work and genuinely enjoy my job, only to have someone say to me at the end of the day "man, what are you doing here" after seeing my stuff. i'm the freakin piano man. people say that to me all the time, and i have no good excuse. but i want to draw more. i want to post more. i want to code more.

i want to do more. i started writing something. i only did a couple paragraphs, but it was fun to freeform the beginning of a story. i don't think i'll ever finish it... or even look at it again... but it was fun. different. i need different. i need fun.

i applied for a credit card at my bank today. i really hope i get it. i have absolutely no credit as far as i know. but i'd like to start building a good credit score. i get the feeling that soon this precious little existence i've had for the past year won't be enough. i need a car. it's not that i have places to go. but it'd be nice to not have to ask people for a ride. it'd be nice to just drive out to san diego for a weekend and visit my friends out there. ... or who knows... even show up for sdcc. it would be nice to not have an excuse anymore. "i can't do that, i don't have a car" hell, it'd be nice to have a driver's license for the first time in 7 years. it'd be nice to be able to travel. i've never traveled. i've never even seen the coasts. i've never done so many things because i always had an excuse why i couldn't. and now i really don't. my only excuse left is my own inability to get up and go out. my only excuse left is me. and i really don't want that anymore. i wanted a better body, and i took it. i wanted a better life, and i found a new one. i need to do that again. it's upgrade time in game world. i feel like i'm back playing majormud again. time to find a trainer and trade in some experience points.

... god i'm such a nerd....

what if i had stopped

what if i had let you go

what if i never said hello

what if... what if...

this song is going on repeat. it's great. www.songstowearpantsto.com. it's greeat. trust me. i might be a littile drunl.. ... maybe. a little. tonight was good i stayed at bison. i drank a little. i bought drinks for cha.d we had driniks wir=th ... uh.. sarah.. and ... someone. i DONT KNOW THAMEM>>> you can t even blame nme;. suffic to say.. ohio losat, and that was not good, abuit tyrvevor got beat up, and that was awesome. also, i paid for driniks, ma nd that was voool. i like paying for other people's drinks. especially when they dont know about it. its nice to pay for peiopoe and have them not know, and then never tell them about itk,a nd jyust have themn wondert how they became drunk the night before. it's cool it's nice. i live ti.

nhight peool;e. have a good nightl.

i think i don't want to draw anymore.

no wait. let me rephrase that. i don't think i want to sketch anymore. if a drawing isn't going to be brought to completion and be amazing, i just lose all interest in it, almost instantly.i want to produce amazingly awesome art, and i just find myself blocked by my own inability to try new things anymore. i remember being so fearless when i was young. i don't even have to remember... i can go look. i was adventurous in my art when i was young. but now, i find myself starting to draw, and saying, "this doesn't look right", and just giving up.

it sucks. i just want to be able to draw adventurously again.

sigh.

new drawing. started this like a month ago. finally finished. tired. going into work. opened yesterday. closed. open today. closing. opening tomorrow. tired. tired.

and, in case anyone's interested. prints and event. by the way, this was drawn in opencanvas 4.5.06 and it is such an amazing upgrade to the program. if you have a previous version, you need to upgrade really bad. if you're pirating, you need to purchase this software. it's so so so SOOOO good.

so i did a little drawing last night. i was looking through some of my old sketch books trying desperately to find some inspiration, and i think that i finally found some. this drawing is from a sketch i made all the way back in 99. that doesn't seem that long ago to me, but dammit if that wasn't nearly a decade ago. anyways, if you're interested i made prints available, and there is an opencanvas event also. i don't do enough things that are worth the time for printing, and i kind of liked the look of this one.

also, here's a sketch that i started last night. i found a list of generic characters, based out of the wheel of time world, that i drew back in 99, and i thought i would redraw the list now. hopefully i've improved some.

!!! u love b4ing rdunbk. i love rot drink a lot and then talk abiut how much oi am d4urnk. i drank some fhod drink tonighit... when.. a5 the end of the night, gabe was like, what do you wanna drink, and i was like... something to sip. and he was like, right. so he got me a makrers makr. and here i am... drink..........

aweslome.

1. sprained wrists are not cool

2. i have a sprained wrist

if you don't love clearification, then fuck you!

DRUNK PAOIST

so yeah. this was qwuite possibly the bset party ec3er. i hd so nuch pfun!!! it was aweosme! hopefull it's this good evory yea.

also... cops came!!! wooot. it's not a party til tihe cops come!!!

so i helped mal (destroyerzooey) get his new layout up and running. a little php here. a little css there. and everything was peachy keen. if you've never read his graphic novel series "Scott Pilgrim", then i sugggest you search that up on amazon right now, and buy it with all the money you can muster.

sorry i don't post often. there's this job. it takes up my time. all my time.

the christmas party is tomorrow. i work at a bar. the party will be open bar at the bar. the motto is "NO SURVIVORS". i can't wait. wish me luck surviving the first round at least. here's hoping that if i get sex in the bathroom it's with a girl.